Monday .... new diet / new lifestyle ?

Monday is never a good day to start a diet, ok, so which day is !!!

I actually rather like a Thursday as a day for weighing in ... always have done. My logic, is that I have all week to be "good" and to recover from the weekend .... of course, logic is all well and good, but I actually have to apply it first!!

As you can see from the amount of exclamation marks today, I am feeling a little more positive, perhaps it is the cathartic nature of blogging, or perhaps it's because I slept like the dead ... solidly, or some other reason, that I am yet to fathom.

My food intake today has thus far consisted of 3 coffees and a bowl of porridge with fat free yoghurt with a splodge of homemade raspberry jam.

It is now 12:21 and my tummy is starting to growl, and yet I only had the porridge at 9:30, actually maybe that is right. It seems to me, it's been rather a long time since I actually listened to my hunger cues.

Hmmmm .... off to look for lunch and to decide upon what we shall have for dinner (see .... trying to be prepared!).

Oh and I 'phoned the GP's .... no appointments until after Christmas, but for some unknown reason I cannot yet book said appointment .... do they specify a specific personality trait in a doctors' receptionist ?

Body Dysmorphia...

It's been a tough couple of weeks for family reasons, which I won't go into here, so apologies for my air silence.

However, in other news, I've been thinking about my ever increasing girth, and reality.

I do have body dysmorphia to a certain degree, which doesn't help ... I look in the body when I'm naked and I know I look pretty good, curvy good, but good, but internally, I  feel garbage (to use an American term). I went shopping this week for a Winter coat, they looked horrendous and made me look like a blimp.

I've also been avoiding exercising in public or actually, at all ... but this has to stop. I just need to get on with it. I am at the worst time of the year for me, it's dark in the morning, gloomy and cold during the day, and dark by 4pm ....

Which summarised means I have no mental energy and therefore no physical energy.

I was meant to have my GP's appointment this week, but due to family stuff, I will have to rearrange this. Which may mean another month of limbo, on the flipside, if my bloods had shown anything ominous ... they'd have been in touch by now.

I have been shopping today and bought a whole load of veggies and generally "clean food", to try and avoid the takeaways ... with a few "cheat" foods, again to avoid the takeaways.

Tonight's dinner was steak pie (cheat food) with new potatoes, sweetcorn and carrots .... happy with that.

Tomorrow's dinner will be something slow cooked with chicken, not quite figured it out yet!

Tuesday will be spaghetti bolognaise, which I will cook tomorrow night, carrots and onions already chopped :)

Wed -away from home and generally stressful, dinner somewhere.

Thursday - late home, continued stress - Chinese takeaway ... but hey, at least I'm planning it in.

Friday - Salmon en croute.

Saturday - out for the day, so will do something slow cooked once again .. something with beef I think.

Sunday - I want to ice the Christmas cake, DD wants us to make a cheesecake, generally in the kitchen so will work it out then ...

And so the life of a fairly typical 40yr old female goes on .... I won't mention my dissertation I still haven't started, the homework not yet done, the new boss, the uncertainty with work, the ongoing house renovation or just being a parent .... that's another day ;)

Night all x

2 weeks later...

And now I'm in total denial, I've not been on the scale for days.

Oh that and I've had a stinking cold and a horrendous time at work, oh and our beloved cat got killed by a hit and run.

This morning, I went for my blood test. No one told me they were going to take 3 vials of blood. Ouch ! And, yes, apparently, I am allergic to their plasters, not a great look.

On the upside, as a consequence of my 12hr fast, and little alcohol last night, my optician's appointment went exceedingly well, my pressures were some of the lowest I've seen in over a decade ... and cos I am now over 40, with a family history, the sight test was free ... and apparently I now qualify for one every 12 months ... oh the advantages of getting old !!

My father got diagnosed with glaucoma at 37, apparently, very young .. and in the eyes of one optician I never visited again .... impossible. Trust me dear, you may think you know what you are talking about ... but for "once" you don't.

And yes, I did get him struck off the preferred list for the civil service.

I have 3 weeks left to lose weight, and whilst we've been cooking more, drinking less .... my weight is doing nothing .... except slow creep, upwards.

I know I need to do the whole thing of counting calories / fat / fibre, but I haven't. I haven't even got a reasonable excuse, I just haven't. Life has once again, gotten in the way.

I'm still in denial really, and I kinda need the blood tests to tell me I'm a lazy heifer, rather than the remote hope I have an under active thyroid.

However, on the upside, having been rather re-assured by the doctor that I can exercise, I am pretty determined to attempt walking / running again.

Blow what I look like, I just need to get back out there.

Days are drawing in, and I don't want to do it in the dark, so I need  to carve out a lunchtime, which is rare (ok, never) .... Shall I start tomorrow ?? I can't currently think of an excuse, bar the one that I have 2 dozen cookies to bake for DD for Friday for her bakesale.

Fat not Fit ....

When you get on the scales and the Doctor exclaims "wow, that's impressive" ..... it's either a good thing, or a bad thing.

Today's was not a good thing.

6 months ago, I went for my regular pill check up, where they take my blood pressure, weigh me, before handing over my prescription. 6 months ago, I had the nurse from hell, who told me my blood pressure was borderline high, and my weight was too much and told me to come back in a month for another blood pressure check.

I did, as many do, went home, reviewed my lifestyle, vowed to lose weight, join the gym, cook great food and made that appointment.

I did, as I do, joined the gym, went a few times, ate more junk, gained weight and missed my appointment.
I've even bought a blood pressure monitor, which again, puts me at borderline pre-thingie ?

I realised yesterday, that for all my procrastination, I still now need a new prescription, and I wasn't going to get that without a drip to the doctors.

Urgh.

My doctor is always backed up for at least a month, so when I 'phoned yesterday, I wasn't overly surprised to discover that December was the earliest available, however, I was advised that he keeps a couple of slots open each day, so to 'phone first thing for potential availability on Tuesday ....

I don't know what 'phoning the doctors first thing is like for other people, but it's always a long winded time, of waiting for the 'phone to not be engaged, and continual redialling until it is available ... so imagine my shock (I'm sure the stress of getting through is enough to push someone's BP up ;) ), when I got through after only 5 minutes, to be told he had a cancellation for 15 minutes time !!

Any long, and short of it.

My BP is indeed up, and considering my past history, it is a little unusual, but given my "impressive" weight gain over the past year, the 2 things may well be related .... i.e. lose weight, BP should go down.

It's one thing not being to buy / wear clothes you find attractive, it's another when you're being told your health is being compromised due to the lard you are eating.

He's given me a month to shift some weight. No pressure then.

So, a month ..... right, a month, ok, a month, can I do this? I have to do this, don't I ...

Shall I mention I have house guests for the weekend .... always an excuse, put it behind me.

Right, a month ..... let's go ....

Brrr .... Autumn is definitely taking hold.

Every year, I have this "battle" whereby I wonder how long it will be before we switch the heating on.

Well, in June we had an exceptionally cold snap, when I switched it on for a couple of hours, since then, it 's not been so bad, and in fact we had a heatwave less than 2 weeks ago. Most odd, but most welcome.

2 nights ago, however, it was just too cold. So, on went the heating for the evening. Yesterday, I was the only one in the house, and fully clothed in warm socks and cardigan, but my fingers were going numb. I gave in, and on the heating went.

Therefore, I hereby declare Autumn has set in, 17th October 2011. I wonder how long it will be before I start setting the timing controls to bring it on for the morning, that will be a sad day indeed !




In the meantime, I guess I ought to check we have coal aplenty ... apparently snow is predicted ?!

Brrrr

oops!

Well, let's just say accounts nor gym got done ....

But, I did get up earlier and have had great fun pottering, I've finished the first "pot holder", I ended up top sewing the binding, but it actually looks pretty passable.

On the second one, I am going to attempt to attach the front and back using the sewing machine.

The other thing I have thoroughly enjoyed doing, which I almost consider as "naughty" is watching tv during the day .... well, ok, not actual daytime television, but watching "House of Eliott", a great British drama series based in the '20's about a house of fashion / couture ... I just love the clothes and the concept of great dress making.

My husband has laughed at me watching it, but keeps dropping in for a recap of where the characters are up to, LOL !

Back to work tomorrow, but, it's ok, for once I'm not dreading it. Friday, on the other hand, may be another matter. More on that, later ....

Ciao x

"Me" time ....

I've been so busy, yet time has once again disappeared on me.

Last week, however, I made a conscious decision to take a day off to myself.

Now, if you don't have children, or never have, you may not understand the implications of this.... but if you're a busy mother or father, you will totally understand where I'm coming from.

Pre-parenting, I had 25 odd days annual leave, DH and I used to take a fair amount of it together, but I'd always take at least a solid week off, and several days off to myself.

Roll forward 8 years ... and I have 19 days annual leave (perils of working part time) and a child of school age, which means, juggling childcare and leave ... all leave is dedicated to looking after DD when she's not at school, leaving a couple of "emergency days" for illness etc.

Whilst I love my DD to pieces, I am also someone who needs their own space. A very difficult proposition at times, especially when working from home, whilst DH works from home, and then being a parent the rest of the time .... my own space, had become non-existant.

"Me time"..... almost seems a lost concept.

So, after having had to work the other Sunday, I managed to gain some "time in lieu",  that combined with the fact that college was cancelled today due to it being an "Admin day", I decided to capitalise on this ... and took Monday off.

I was determined that it would not involve childcare, domestic godessness, chores, hubbie's business paperwork, or anything that was for someone else.

I, unfortunately, didn't manage to ship DH out of the house for the day ... but hey, small issue !

I have to admit, to doing very very little on Monday morning, but I've been wanting to do a number of sewing projects for a while, so Monday afternoon, I finally managed start researching them, and getting out my sewing table.

Tuesday, today, I had another lie in ... I obviously needed my sleep ! But managed to get out of bed by 11 and today, I've had great fun pottering around starting to make a pair of pot holders, and being very pernickety on the bindings (ripped 4 times so far!), I am way too Virgoan at times.

It is mental space which I've needed from the world, and with it, has brought forward my energy to actually do what I want to do, rather than just looking at it, and feeling overwhelmed.

Tomorrow is the day I do DH's accounts, but tomorrow, I am going to juggle things, I want to do more sewing, and go to the gym ....

All of these, are good signs for the Winter ... I normally go to sleep for the Winter, and shut down by now until March ...

I must learn how to insert a photo into this blog .. so that when I have finished this pot holder pair I can show you ...